Do you ever think of yourself as someone who’s been trained to think, behave, and respond in the ways that you do?
If you have an ongoing relationship with a narcissist—and I hesitate to use the word “relationship” because that’s a vibrant word, and it’s not a relationship—but anyway, if you are engaging with a narcissist in an ongoing way, they’re trying to train you to be a certain way. They’re trying to train you. Narcissists want to train you to meet their needs in a particular fashion. Let’s understand that a defining feature of narcissism is manipulation.
A DEFINING FEATURE OF NARCISSISM: MANIPULATION
They’re out there trying to manipulate you in whatever way they can to maintain the control position and feed that self-absorbed ego that they bring to the equation. They approach you with the thought that says, “I have my needs, and it’s your job to comply with me.” And they don’t have a real strong sense of reciprocity.
They may at times let you think or feel that they’re willing to compromise with you, or concede, or go with the flow with you, but ultimately, what they do with you tends to be little more than a manipulative ploy.
Now, I know it can sound rather cynical to say that that’s the way they are, but that’s part of narcissism. They lack that empathy, and there’s this all-about-me kind of mentality.
As a result, these are individuals that are highly predictable. They’re very codependent. They would never say that to save their life, but when I say codependent, their mood is directly tied to what you give them, and they want you to play your role so that they can go away feeling okay and superior and all the rest. Now, as long as they have this kind of manipulative mindset toward you, there are certain predictable tactics that they tend to use to keep you in line and to keep you giving them the supply that they need. So, let’s go through eight of what I would consider to be some of the most common tactics they use. It’s not an exhaustive list, but at least it can give you an idea of how this could work.
For example, number one, as they try to manipulate you into their schemes, they can use the buddy tactic.
THE BUDDY TECHNIQUE
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