3. You constantly check if doors are locked. If you find yourself double, triple, or even quadruple-checking whether you locked the door, you’re operating from a place of deep-seated anxiety. Narcissistic abuse conditions you to live in a state of hypervigilance, always expecting something bad to happen. When you’ve spent years feeling unsafe, your brain learns to scan for danger, even in situations where there isn’t any. Dr. Judith Herman, author of Trauma and Recovery, explains that long-term abuse can rewire the brain to stay in a constant fight-or-flight mode, making it hard to relax even in your own home. When a narcissist has constantly made you feel powerless by invading your privacy, double-checking locks becomes a way to feel like you have some control. But here’s the irony: even after checking, you might still question yourself: “Did I lock it? What if I forgot?” That lingering doubt is the result of years of being told that your memory is unreliable or that you can’t trust yourself. As Shannon Thomas, author of Healing from Hidden Abuse, puts it, “Survivors of psychological abuse often develop obsessive behaviors as a way to create predictability in a world that once felt completely unpredictable.” The good news is that this habit isn’t permanent. Healing means learning to reassure yourself in healthier ways. The next time you find yourself checking the door for the fifth time, pause and remind yourself, “I locked it; I am safe.” If it helps, create a ritual: say out loud, “Door locked,” when you do it so your brain registers the action. Over time, your nervous system will start to believe it.
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