4. You overclean your surroundings. Do you constantly feel the urge to scrub, organize, and tidy up even when things are already clean? If so, you’re likely trying to create a sense of control in a world that once felt completely unpredictable. A misplaced object, a speck of dust, or an undone chore may have triggered the narcissist’s rage. Over time, your brain starts to associate cleanliness with safety. As trauma expert Dr. Bessel van der Kolk explains in The Body Keeps the Score, trauma survivors often engage in compulsive behaviors to create a sense of order in their environment when their inner world feels chaotic. This overcleaning habit isn’t just about keeping things tidy; it’s about avoiding conflict, even if there’s no one left to criticize you. When someone has spent years nitpicking your every move, you learn to anticipate judgment before it even happens. You might catch yourself scrubbing a spotless counter not because it needs it, but because it soothes your anxiety. The next time you feel the urge to clean obsessively, pause and ask yourself, “Am I doing this because I want to, or because I feel like I have to?” Healing means permitting yourself to exist in a space that isn’t perfect and realizing that a little mess won’t bring chaos back into your life. With time, you’ll see that true control comes from knowing you are safe, even when things aren’t spotless.
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