The third thing they want during special occasions is to activate your shame wound. Most people in relationships with narcissists have a shame wound, and narcissists themselves have one too. They navigate their shame by projecting it onto their significant other.
During holidays, if they want to activate your shame wound, they will deliberately get you a gift that shows little care, knowing exactly what you would love. They might even give what you wanted to someone else and then accuse you of being selfish and jealous. They will make you feel less than and cause you to believe that there’s something wrong with you because they can treat others well but not you. When they see your shame, it feels like a transference—your shame becomes theirs, allowing them to feel better.
Another way they provoke shame is by ignoring you in front of others. You might feel invisible as they give everyone else attention. When you address it, they will accuse you of being selfish. This behavior steals your joy during occasions that mean something to you.
Narcissists love to divide and conquer, teaming up with each other against you. They want you to feel isolated even when you’re around others.
The fifth thing they want is for you to be focused on them. They want you so externally focused on them that you cannot enjoy the occasion. This is their goal: to make you feel deflated and powerless.
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