There comes a moment in almost every narcissistic relationship, be it a parent or a partner, when you stop looking at the narcissist with awe, fear, or admiration and start looking at them with absolute clarity. That moment is fatal for them. They can feel it even before you say a word, when you begin to see them for who they are—manipulative, fragile, performative. That is when their eyes panic. You will notice a brief widening of their eyes, a flash of confusion, maybe even a second of cold calculation as they recalibrate. Their mouth might still be moving, spinning the same old narratives, but the eyes cannot fake composure. No, they know the game is slipping at that time. They know the mirror they used to see their false self reflected back in is cracking, and they know it is only a matter of time before you either leave or become their kryptonite. The panic in their eyes is the clearest confession they will ever make: You have seen too much, and that is not okay.
The hollow stare after they win.
You may expect a narcissist to look really happy and joyful after they win, after they hurt you, after they get their way. But if you look closely, there is no real joy in their eyes, no real victory, just hollowness, a strange, eerie vacancy. Because even when they win, they lose. They got what they wanted, of course they did, but the impetus inside them does not shrink; it grows. You can see it in the blankness of their stare after an argument they won, or after a manipulation that worked. It is the emptiness of a person who keeps chasing victories that cannot fill the void inside them. Their words may gloat, their posture may puff up, but their eyes will look lost, really haunted and starving for something they cannot name and will never find. That is a tragedy they will never admit, and the wound they will keep bleeding onto everyone they meet. And this is why I say they’re really miserable deep inside.
You see, most people wait for the narcissist to say something wrong before they start questioning them. But the truth is, if you learn to watch the eyes—eyes are the gateway to your soul—you will start questioning them long before the words even hit the air. The eyes are where the body stops cooperating with the mask. They are where the soul gets caught off guard. They are where the loneliness, the rage, the fear, and the hunger leak out when they think nobody is looking.
Narcissists spend their whole lives constructing an image.
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