Number five: set strong boundaries and stick to them. If you do not have strong boundaries, you are going to be one of the easiest targets for the narcissist because a narcissist wants someone who will let them walk all over them, who will let them decide everything, because that gives them absolute control. So, when you are in a situation where you can’t go no contact and have to deal with them regularly—maybe you are co-parenting, maybe you are going through a court case or something else, maybe it is your parent—it is important to set firm, rigid, and unbreachable boundaries. You cannot leave a gray area for the narcissist to exploit. You have to be black and white, all or nothing. It can’t be, “Yeah, you can visit sometimes, but most of the time you can’t.” It has to be, “No, you can’t. This is it. You can’t enter my premises. You can’t visit me at this time. You can’t do this, or you can only do this.” You have to work in absolutes here. That is the only language they understand. They will try to manipulate you into doing things their way. They may also try to control different aspects of your life, like who you interact with, what you do in your spare time, or how you connect with your children. Set boundaries and make your needs known. When you set boundaries, you have to be very calculated and strategic. On the sidelines, you have to support your boundaries using a third-party support system, for example, getting the co-parenting agreement passed through the court, and if they violate any of the terms, they would be penalized. You have to corner the beast. You can’t just say, “This is my boundary,” and then expect them to obey it. You have to set consequences for them to see your boundary and know that they can’t breach it; they can’t break it. It’s unbreakable. You have to be assertive and confident while setting boundaries.
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