Many of you are familiar with Dr. John Gottman. He is a researcher who studied marriage, and frankly, much of his findings in that category can extend to many other types of relationships, whether in extended family situations, parenting, friendships, or businesses. In his groundbreaking research, he determined that the strongest indicator of relationship collapse is the presence of contempt. When one individual holds onto contempt for any period, it becomes a poison to themselves, allowing feelings of dark anger, hatred, and disdain to fester. Not only do they experience this negativity internally, but they also feel obliged to project it onto the person in front of them.
One thing we know about narcissists is that they have a strong need for control and superiority. When you don’t seem to align with their reasoning, they build a sense of contempt toward you, which can be overwhelming and lead to relationship disaster. Another ingredient that helps them hold onto contempt and rationalize it is their dishonesty. Narcissists lie to themselves.
Today, I want to point out seven of the most common lies that narcissists tell themselves while holding you in contempt. My hope is that recognizing these lies can lead to a certain kind of freedom as you break away from the cage they try to confine you in.
Let’s go through those:
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