5. Imitating the Narcissist’s Behavior
You might start picking up the narcissist’s behaviors if you’ve been with them for a long time, often without realizing it. You may find yourself imitating their tone, mannerisms, or attitudes to fit in or avoid conflict. It’s not something you consciously decide to do; it’s just a survival mechanism. Psychologist Dr. Bill Eddy explains in “It’s All Your Fault” that victims of narcissistic abuse often mirror their abuser’s behavior in an attempt to appease them or prevent further conflict. It’s a way to blend in, not stand out too much, and avoid triggering their anger. But what ends up happening is you lose touch with your authentic self in the process.
The strange part is that this mirroring can stick around long after you’ve left the abusive situation. You might find yourself continuing to adopt narcissistic behaviors in future relationships unconsciously. This happens because your brain gets used to this pattern as a way to protect yourself. Over time, this can affect how you relate to others. Recognizing this is the first step. Remind yourself that you don’t have to act like them to get by. You’re allowed to break free from those patterns and reconnect with your true self.
6. Over Cleaning the House
As a victim of narcissistic abuse, you might find yourself obsessively cleaning the house as a way to create some sense of control or calm. It’s not just about wanting a tidy space; it can also be a way to cope with the chaos or unpredictability that comes with the abuse. You might clean obsessively because it’s the one thing you can control when everything else feels chaotic. According to Dr. Sheri Campbell, a psychologist and author of “Loving Yourself: The Mastery of Being Your Own Person,” victims of narcissistic abuse often feel a constant need to maintain control over their environment, especially when they’ve been subjected to emotional manipulation and instability. In a way, cleaning becomes a way to restore some order to your world.
This over-cleaning can also stem from the constant fear of criticism. Narcissistic abusers often criticize you, leading you to clean to avoid their disapproval. It’s like your brain is trying to prevent any potential attack or criticism. The key to breaking this habit is understanding that perfection isn’t necessary for peace. It’s okay to let go of the constant cleaning and allow yourself the grace to just be—flaws and all.
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