Believe their hopeless hope. Narcissists are known for creating scenarios that make you think there is potential, but that potential remains unmanifested, that never becomes your reality. So don’t think about what you can be with them, be it your narcissistic partner or parent. Focus on what you are with them because that is what matters and what you are with them is constant. It does not change. What changes is your condition. Think about who you were before meeting them, how miserable you have become now after staying for such a long time in this relationship. Think about all the pain that you have been through and think about all the ways it has destroyed your life. That is the constant change happening. Remember, a person’s words mean nothing until they match their actions. Always try to find the incongruencies and quite surprisingly, you will notice that a narcissist is nothing but a living, breathing incongruency. What does that mean? That simply means who they act to be, who they try to become, does not match who they are. What they say is just words. It’s like they put you in a trance by taking you somewhere, by transporting you into a possible future that you can have with them, and that gives you hope that maybe it is just their imagination that they are transporting in your head. Don’t make it your reality. See them for who they are, not who they pretend to be.
5 Do not believe all the nasty names they call you.
Do not believe all the nasty names they call you. They may comment on your body, on how you look, they may call you fat, they may call you ugly, they may call you stupid, idiot, they may call you pathetic, they may call you needy. I mean, what I’m using here is just the mildest version of what actually happens and I can’t use all the names here, but you know what I’m talking about. What they are calling you is who they are. Remember, a narcissist’s accusations are confessions. If you want to know the truth, take notice of what they are accusing you of being and remember, that’s not who you are, that is what they feel towards themselves and you are nothing but a distorted self-perception of theirs. What does that mean? That simply means that they do not hate the real you. When they met you, they created an idealized snapshot of you, something they thought you are, this perfect, flawless doormat. But then what you are does not match who they thought you are, and that is what led to devaluation. So what they’re hating actually is their own perception of who you are, their own self through you, because they’re projecting their hatred on you. What does that make you? An extension of their own false self. They do not see you, they do not love you, they do not know you. Think about this, sit with this, and you will understand that you have been with a stranger. You were born to a human being who has been nothing but a stranger to you.
6 Do not give them access to your personal life.
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