The narcissist may randomly send you a text about something they know will trigger you. For example, if you have a certain political belief, let’s say, they may send you an article, a text message saying something against those particular beliefs. Or they may text you, accusing you of some random thing that happened a long time ago or that didn’t even happen at all. If they know you care about someone, they’ll send a text demeaning that person or claiming that person said something negative about you. The goal is simple: they want to aggravate you, spark a negative emotional reaction, and start an argument. It’s intentional, often because they are feeling bad and want you to feel bad too. When you engage in this, it confirms that they still have control over your emotions. And once you feel really, really bad, it makes them feel better. And if you don’t take the bait, you will find the narcissist getting very frustrated, and they will increase their efforts and change their tactics to get that reaction out of you.
Number 13 is faking crisis.
People with narcissistic personality disorder want to keep you in a state of crisis. So you will notice that as the relationship goes on, you start to become hypervigilant, and you may find yourself getting very, very anxious, never knowing where the next problem or crisis is coming from. For example, they might text you something like, ‘I’m in the hospital right now,’ and of course, you worry and ask if they’re okay. Then they stop answering, so you’re worried. You try to reach them, and you get nothing. Your texts and calls are left unanswered for hours. Later, you find out that they went for routine blood work or something minor. You ask them, ‘Why didn’t you answer my text? I was really worried about you.’ And they gaslight you with something like, ‘You’re always worrying for nothing. I don’t see why you always need to be keeping tabs on me, like you don’t need to know my every move. You have control issues.’ Or if you don’t spend the day trying to reach them, then it’s, ‘You don’t care about me. You knew I was at the hospital, and you didn’t even try to reach me.’ But the reality is they just like knowing that you’re in a state of anxiety, you’re on edge, and they have all of your attention and have power over your emotions. Now, sometimes the narcissist is concocting real crisis situations. In the case of a covert narcissist, you will be amazed at how many conflicts, chaos, and crises can surround them. As soon as one problem is solved, there’s another one right behind it. They keep themselves in victim mode, and they need to have people engaged in saving and rescuing them.
Number 14, which is a very common type of text you will receive from a covert narcissist, is the guilt-tripping and passive-aggressive texts.
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