Number six: ask them, “How did you arrive at this conclusion?”
This comes back to having authentic curiosity and compassion, but it’s more specific than that. First of all, know that it’s perfectly fair and reasonable for one adult to ask another for the specifics of their conclusions and how they arrived at them. In other words, you don’t just get to throw a bunch of nonsensical opinions around without actually backing them up with some facts. Asking the question and hearing the answers will likely give you all the information you need to be able to make whatever decisions you need to make in the spirit of taking good care of yourself.
If their conclusions are legitimate, great. If they use this as an opportunity to sling mud, distort the truth, rewrite history to suit their own narrative, et cetera, again, now you have all the information that you need to decide what’s best for yourself moving forward. And approach this one like a lab technician; you’re simply gathering data. Once you have the data, you know all you need to know.
Number seven: eliminate distractions.
In other words, address anything that is in the way of having a productive conversation that fulfills its intended purpose. If the television is on, turn it off. If you’re likely to be interrupted, do what you need to do so you won’t be. And on that note, choose your timing wisely, and then assist the narcissist in defining and prioritizing what’s important versus what’s urgent. Then prioritize the urgent, assuring them that the important will be addressed once the urgent is resolved.Don’t let them distract you from what’s urgent by shifting to other topics that may be important. one thing at a time in order of priority until it’s resolved.
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