It’s like, you know, “You and I, let’s be pals.” And “I want to be your friend, and I want to make sure that you know that I think well of you.” So, they may sometimes do favors for you, or pay compliments, or seemingly give some concessions, and act in a very serving or kind way toward you. But unfortunately, what seems to be good on the surface actually has its hidden agenda behind the surface because it’s a ruse. And again, I know it can sound a bit cynical, but in the long run, narcissists are after that control, and the buddy technique can be a part of their way of trying to pull you into their orbit.
A second tactic that they can use, and that is, they can offer you what I would call intellectual empathy.
OFFERING INTELLECTUAL EMPATHY
Intellectual empathy, which is not the same as true empathy in the classic sense of the word. The intellectual empathy may be something like, “Well, I know that this is very important to you,” or “I see that this is something that really bothers you, so let’s take a look at that.” And intellectually, they can say, “Okay, this is something that I see on the inside of you,” but true empathy is wanting to know you from your vantage point so that that individual can get in there and experience life with you and have kind of an arm around the shoulder, if you will.
Narcissists will use a phony intellectual empathy, and they want you to conclude, “Wow, what a really nice person. You seem to really know me.” And yet, it’s empty. And sometimes they’ll even use what I call empty promises. It’s like, “Well, you know, as long as we understand what’s going on, then things are going to be good.”
A third tactic that narcissists can commonly use is they can go into the “now you owe me” mentality.
Sometimes they can be pleasant and friendly up front. They can seemingly be into you, but then over time, it’s like, “Hey, look, I’ve tried really hard to be fair with you, and I’m not really feeling a whole lot of cooperation back from you. Come on, we’re going to have to get with the program here, and so you’ve got to show me something good.” And so they start calling in their chips, and they want you to think, “Well, you know, I don’t want to be selfish, and I don’t want to seem like I’m ungrateful,” and in doing so, they’re trying to pull you in. That’s part of their manipulation.
“Let’s talk about what you owe me, and, you know, after all the nice things I’ve done for you, surely you can give me something in reverse.”
Then a fourth tactic they can often use is they’ll appeal to both loyalty and then guilt.
APPEAL TO BOTH LOYALTY AND GUILT
Continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
