It’s kind of like, if you don’t do what I want you to do, you’re going to you’re going to pay. This is not going to be good for you. And they may point blank say it out loud, or they may imply it through the use of the silent treatment or stonewalling. It’s like, “I am so going to make your life miserable if you don’t go along with what I want you to do.” And then finally after a while, it’s like the awkwardness and the uncomfortable feelings that come along are so strong, and it’s like, “Okay, okay, I’ll give in,” which is what they’re wanting you to do.
And then finally, an eighth tactic, and I strongly suspect many of you have been up against this, they can go straight into their anger mode with lots of criticism or harshness or insults.
USE OF ANGER AND CRITICISM
HARSHNESS, INSULTS, RAGES, NAME-CALLING
Name calling, rages, and things of that nature where it’s like, “Man, they get so loud and so obnoxious that you don’t know what to do.” And so they want to be so intimidating and so overbearing that finally it’s like, “It is not worth it for me to move forward with my preferences. I’ll go out and go along to get along.” And so the net result of all of these different manipulative tactics is you might stand down. It’s like you’ll capitulate and you’ll comply.
THEY WANT YOU TO CAPITULATE, COMPLY
And that’s what narcissists want you to do. So when they use these kind of tactics, they’re trying to train you to say, “You know, just drop it and go along with what they want.” By the way, you know, I have a book that’s called “When Pleasing You Is Killing Me,” and it’s that it’s that book is built on the premise here. You know, ultimately, it’s killing me to try to keep you apiece, but that’s the that’s the way they want to do that’s the dance they want you to get into.
And as a result, they’re going to hope that you will buy into the notion that says theirs is the only opinion in the room that matters. “Just be quiet, go along with what they want you to do, everything’s gonna be okay,” and then ultimately what they’re saying is, “It’s really not okay for you to be you.”
But wait a minute, it really is okay for you to be you, regardless of what they proclaim. Not only is it okay, it’s reasonable. It’s necessary for you to be you. I operate on the assumption I’m not very good trying to be somebody that I’m not.
It’s okay, it’s reasonable for you to feel as you feel or to have the distinct interpretations that you have.
FEEL AS YOU FEEL
HAVE DISTINCT INTERPRETATIONS
It’s okay for you to act upon your preferences. It’s okay to disagree. In fact, sometimes you need to say no, and that can be a necessary kind of thing.
DISAGREE OR SAY NO
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