Let’s talk about number two: developing a fixer complex. What if your urge to fix others is just your way of trying to fix the part of you that never felt good enough? If you’ve survived narcissistic abuse, you might have developed this desire to fix everything and everyone around you. You take on people’s problems, thinking if you just help enough, love enough, or sacrifice enough, maybe things will finally feel safe. This habit usually starts with trying to fix the narcissist, hoping that if you’re patient, understanding, or helpful enough, they’ll stop hurting you and start loving you. But it doesn’t stop there. Suddenly, you’re fixing your friend’s chaos, tolerating emotionally unavailable partners, and even talking gently to your microwave when it malfunctions.
Therapist and author Beverly Engel explains this in her book The Nice Girl Syndrome. Many victims believe that if they just love harder or try harder, they can heal the brokenness in someone else, but they forget they’re bleeding too. The tricky part is that the fixer complex can feel noble. You’re the one everyone relies on. You feel needed, even important. But deep down, it’s exhausting. You’re pouring from a cup that was cracked years ago. And the worst part is you think being selfless means being safe.
You’re not responsible for fixing anyone but yourself. Helping is kind, but fixing is a trauma response disguised as love. You don’t need to be a mechanic for broken people. Sometimes, healing starts when you stop patching up others and finally look inward to say, “Hey, what about me?
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