Now let’s move on to number three: extreme independence that borders on isolation. You learned the hard way that vulnerability could be turned against you. If you’ve lived through narcissistic abuse, you probably became the kind of person who says, “I’m fine,” even when you’re not. You might push through exhaustion, suppress your needs, and isolate yourself because needing others started to feel dangerous. In their book Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents, Dr. Lindsay Gibson writes, “When people grow up feeling rejected for their needs, they often become overly self-reliant as adults, not out of strength, but fear.” So now, even a simple offer of help can feel like a trap, and your brain screams, “Don’t you dare look weak.”
The problem is that kind of extreme independence might protect you, but it also cages you. You start believing that asking for help makes you a burden, so you suffer in silence. Life coach Lisa A. Romano calls this trauma-induced hyper-independence, explaining that when you’ve been made to feel like your needs are too much, you learn to shrink yourself just to survive. But here’s the truth: strong people do ask for help. Letting someone support you doesn’t make you weak; it makes you brave enough to heal. You’re not meant to do it alone, and you’re not a burden. You’re just someone who had to become their own hero for a long time. Now it’s okay to let someone else hold the shield for a while.
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