Are you still up for number six? Downplaying their own trauma. Narcissists often gaslight their victims into believing their pain is exaggerated, so they internalize it. If you’ve been through narcissistic abuse, you might find yourself brushing it off, thinking it was just a bad relationship or saying things like, “Well, at least they didn’t hit me.” That’s called minimization, and it’s a sneaky survival mechanism. You learn to downplay your pain because acknowledging it fully felt dangerous or even disloyal. Dr. Thelma Bryant, a psychologist and trauma expert, puts it like this: “You can’t heal what you won’t admit hurt you.” So you keep telling yourself and everyone else that it wasn’t that bad—not because it didn’t hurt, but because validating your pain feels like opening Pandora’s box.
However, minimizing your trauma feels like strength at first. You might even wear it like armor, thinking, “I’m tough; I got through it.” But minimizing doesn’t make the pain disappear; it just tucks it away where it festers quietly. According to Dr. Nicole LePera, author of How to Do the Work, survivors often avoid acknowledging the depth of their trauma because they fear it will consume them. But pretending your emotional wounds are paper cuts only delays the healing. You don’t have to downplay your pain to be worthy of peace. Your story matters, especially the parts you’ve been taught to silence.
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