Let me tell you something not found in textbooks or whispered from behind polished podiums, but something raw, something real—something folks don’t always say out loud. Narcissists don’t love the way most people do. No, the narcissist isn’t looking for love as your heart might crave connection. What they’re chasing is a mirror, a perfect, polished, glowing reflection of the self they pretend to be. But then it happens: somewhere along the line, they meet someone who sees them—not the brokenness they hide deep down, but the image they’re dying to project: grand, adored, unstoppable.
When someone reflects that image back to them like a shining pool of admiration, the narcissist doesn’t just lean in; they fall hard—not in a way that mends the soul, but in a way that binds them to the source of their illusion. That person becomes like oxygen, like sunlight in winter, vital to their ego’s survival.
Ah, let’s break this down. Let’s talk about why the narcissist falls, why they sometimes, unbelievably, submit—not because they’ve surrendered their pride, but because something deeper in them sees what they need in you. It terrifies and intoxicates them all at once.
First, the narcissist is drawn to those who reflect their grandeur, their imagined greatness—not through flattery, but through resonance. When someone naturally affirms their self-image—not because they’re fooled, but because they see value—the narcissist drinks it in like holy water. To feel seen in that light is their version of intimacy. They cling to it, and before long, they find themselves leaning into the person who provides it, because they need it to sustain the story they’re telling themselves. When someone holds that mirror with grace and strength, the narcissist isn’t just drawn; they’re tethered.
Second, the illusion of control. Oh, the narcissist feeds on control the way fire feeds on oxygen. But here’s the twist: sometimes the power isn’t in fighting it; sometimes the power is in giving it—strategically, wisely—without ever losing yourself. The narcissist feels in charge, feels dominant, but beneath that illusion, something unexpected stirs. When control is handed over gently, almost invisibly, the narcissist starts to relax. That false sense of power makes them feel safe, and in that safety, they get attached—not to you, perhaps, but to the feeling you provide. They start to submit, not because they’ve changed, but because they’re entangled in the comfort of being empowered by you.
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