The first voice is the excessively sweet, “siren” type—inviting, bubbly, and kind. A narcissist uses this mask when they are trying to manipulate a new source of supply. When someone new enters their territory, they project an image of someone joyful, open, and far from malice, creating a rush for their new target to fall into the trap. It’s a form of love-bombing. While using this sweet voice, the narcissist subtly brags about their life, children, and spouse, seeking admiration for being the perfect parent or partner.
This raises an important question: What about high-functioning alcoholics or people who are depressed but still perform well in public? They may seem lifeless in private but appear fine in public. What about trauma survivors whose voice changes in social settings? These behaviors are different because, unlike narcissists, these people don’t intentionally hurt others or manipulate to benefit themselves. Their voice changes are unconscious adaptations to function, not calculated moves to manipulate others.
Voice type two is the “martyr” voice, where the narcissist sounds as if they are constantly struggling or suffering. They use this to trigger feelings of obligation, guilt, and fear, especially in relationships like parent-child dynamics. The narcissistic parent, for example, may speak in a way that suggests they’re on the verge of death, prompting the child to feel tense and obligated to help. The narcissist knows exactly how to push these emotional buttons.
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