So, let’s dive in. For those who don’t know me, my name is Michelle. I’m a survivor of narcissistic abuse. I’m now a trauma-informed coach, a somatic experiencing practitioner, and the founder of the School of Transformation, where survivors of emotional trauma—whether it’s abuse or neglect—meet live weekly on Zoom to do the inner healing work together. There is currently a 7-day free trial available, so I’ll leave the link here for you to check out and see if it’s a good resource for you.
We know covert narcissists love to be the typical wolf in sheep’s clothing, playing the victim. In fact, they can make a whole career out of it. But the bottom line is that nothing is ever their fault. Triangulation allows them to stay in that victim role. Here’s the triangulation game board of the covert narcissist: three roles—the victim, persecutor, and rescuer. The narcissist loves to be in either the victim or rescuer role, depending on what strategy they’re using. In reality, they are the persecutor all the time.
When the narcissist is playing the victim, they need someone else on their game board in the role of persecutor, which is the person they’re talking bad about or targeting in some way. The person they are talking to is in the rescuer role—they’re hoping this person sympathizes with them and teams up against the persecutor. Sometimes, the narcissist will even put the person they want to side with them in the victim role and place themselves in the rescuer role. Again, they are trying to create an alliance with this other person, making them feel like the narcissist is looking out for them, that they are a victim, and the narcissist will rescue them from this terrible persecutor or third person.
Either way, this is their game board, and their goal is to get you onto the drama triangle. Their favorite way to do this is by provoking you to react so they can point the finger and make you look like the persecutor.
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