Next, let’s talk about feigning compassion and empathy. Covert narcissists are masters at pretending to be empathetic and compassionate when it suits their agenda. They might go out of their way to help others, especially if they are in public or when others are watching, to craft an image of themselves as kind-hearted and selfless. However, this display is often hollow, driven by the need for admiration and approval rather than genuine concern. Usually, when this happens, you can feel that it is inauthentic. There will be a phony feel to their so-called empathy. If someone’s acts of kindness seem performative or are only shown in public while they are cold or indifferent in private, they might be feigning compassion. True empathy is consistent and not limited to moments where it can be witnessed by others.
Next, they love playing the intellectual superior. Covert narcissists often present themselves as intellectually superior to others, subtly belittling the intelligence or ideas of those around them. They might do this by using complex language, quoting obscure references, or questioning others in a way that makes them feel inadequate or ignorant. This is a way of asserting dominance and maintaining control in relationships. If someone consistently makes you feel inferior or unintelligent, or if they always have to be the smartest person in the room, they may be using intellectual superiority to manipulate and control. This behavior often leaves others feeling belittled or doubting their own abilities.
Next, they use triangulation and divide-and-conquer strategies. All covert narcissists love to use this tactic. Triangulation is a method covert narcissists use to create discord and competition among people in their lives. They will often pit one person against another by spreading gossip or half-truths to create mistrust and rivalry. This allows them to maintain control and power by keeping others off balance and focused on each other rather than on the narcissist’s behavior. So, how do you recognize this game? If you notice that someone often talks negatively about others or shares information that seems intended to create conflict, they may be using triangulation. Be cautious about believing everything they say or consider discussing any concerns directly with the other parties involved. I often say, be careful what you hear about someone because you just might be hearing it from the problem.
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