Narcissists are masters at making you question everything about yourself, especially your thoughts and feelings. They do this using sarcasm, backhanded compliments, or outright doubt-inducing comments. For example, they might say, “Are you sure that’s what happened? I don’t remember it that way,” or “You always overthink things.” These little jabs may seem harmless initially, but they chip away at your confidence over time. As psychotherapist Dr. Beverly Engel explains, narcissists undermine their victims’ sense of reality to maintain control, making them feel uncertain and confused. You start doubting your memory, judgment, and worth because they’ve convinced you that your perspective is wrong. This constant manipulation leads to emotional isolation because, without realizing it, you’re no longer trusting your instincts. You begin to second-guess every decision and feel you can’t rely on yourself. It’s like you’re trapped in your head, unable to find clarity because the narcissist has clouded your confidence. In her book The Emotionally Abusive Relationship, Dr. Barbara Marwaha says when a person’s self-doubt becomes chronic, it isolates them from their sense of inner truth and power. Narcissists thrive in this space because it keeps you dependent on them for answers, and they keep you feeling isolated and unsure of who you are.
6. Exploiting Vulnerabilities
Narcissists are experts at finding your weak spots and using them against you to manipulate or make you feel smaller. For example, they might bring up a past failure when you’re trying to succeed or make you feel unworthy of love because of past mistakes. This kind of manipulation can leave you feeling emotionally exposed, as if you’re walking around with all your vulnerabilities on display for them to attack at any moment. Over time, it chips away at your self-worth and leaves you feeling powerless. You become hyper-aware of your weaknesses, and every time you open up to the narcissist, it feels like they’re using it to control you further. Dr. Shahi Stein, a psychologist who specializes in narcissistic abuse, explains that the narcissist’s exploitation of your vulnerabilities makes you feel like you can’t trust anyone, especially yourself. It creates emotional isolation, making you feel like you’re the only one who sees these wounds and can’t escape the manipulation.
7. Disguising Control as Care
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