Every time you hold your head a little higher, every time you meet their eyes, every time you refuse to cower, that is when you start taking your power back. That is the moment when the tables are turned, and they start fearing you. Because nothing terrifies a narcissist more than losing control. Nothing terrifies them more than seeing you rise, because when they see you stand tall, they have to face what they really are—small, empty, and weak.
They have to face the truth that their power was never real; it was stolen from you, and now you are taking it back. They hate that, but deep down, they know it is true. And once you stop smelling like fear, they will start to smell like what they really are—nothing at all.
All of this is experiential. This is what I did with my father. When I started setting boundaries, I said, “I’m not going to tolerate this behavior. I’m not going to succumb to your crazy, psychopathic behavior. I’m going to leave. I’m done with you.”
Once all the dependencies were removed, I watched him collapse right in front of my eyes. He became mute—no words coming out of that loud mouth. His hands stopped moving, hands that used to rest on my cheeks to slap or punch me whenever he could. But all of a sudden, nothing. He wouldn’t even dare make eye contact with me.
I hated that because I never wanted to be that kind of son to him. I never wanted to terrify him. I still respected him as my father, but he pushed me so far that I had to say enough. I had to put a stop to his verbal, physical, psychological, and financial abuse.
That’s when I tried to rescue my co-dependent narcissistic mother. I realized she was nothing but an enabler. Until then, she kept telling me, “I want to leave, but I do not know how or when.” I created a way out and gave her an opportunity to reclaim her life.
Can you guess what happened? She took his side and forced me to apologize to seek his forgiveness, which I did not do because it was not my mistake. I didn’t talk to him. A lot happened that I’ve already shared in other episodes, but understand that you can give it back to the narcissist if it is safe for you. Because back then, it was safe for me, and I left.
If it is not safe—if you are financially dependent or fear for your life—then don’t. However, you need to take a stand and let go of that fear. Come out of that freeze response so that you can thrive and see the narcissist for who they are.
