Let’s move on to number three: allow yourself to grieve. When you’re healing from narcissistic abuse, it’s important to allow yourself to grieve. Even though the relationship may have been unhealthy, there’s still a loss to process. You invested time, energy, and emotional effort, and that’s not something you can just erase. Grief is a natural part of healing, and it’s not just about losing the person, but also the future you imagined with them. As Dr. John Townsend, psychologist and author, explains, grief helps you let go of the illusion and accept the reality. Healing takes time, and it’s important to allow yourself to feel the sadness, frustration, and even anger when you realize the relationship wasn’t what you hoped for. Allowing yourself to grieve doesn’t mean you’re weak or failing; it’s a sign that you’re reclaiming your emotional health and learning to honor your feelings.
You shouldn’t miss number four: set clear boundaries. Boundaries are not walls; they are gates you choose to open or close. Psychologist and author Dr. John Townsend once said, “Setting clear boundaries is one of the most powerful things you can do in reclaiming your life after narcissistic abuse.” A narcissist may try to push your limits, but it’s important to stay firm in your boundaries. Your boundaries are your personal space and must be respected. They may come in the form of limiting contact, setting rules, or cutting ties. Psychotherapist Terry Cole says, “You have the right to put yourself first, especially if someone makes you feel unsafe or unworthy. You have the right to leave anyone who keeps disrespecting your boundaries, even if it feels difficult or guilt-inducing.” Remember, your peace is worth protecting.
Are you still up for number five? Identify and challenge cognitive distortions. After narcissistic abuse, it’s common to fall into cognitive distortions—negative, irrational thoughts that make you feel worthless or responsible for everything that went wrong. You might think, “I’m not good enough,” or “It’s all my fault.” But those thoughts are a result of manipulation, not the truth. Narcissists are masters at planting seeds of self-doubt, making you question your worth and perceptions. Dr. Marsha Linehan, psychiatrist and author, said, “Your thoughts are not facts. Challenge them to change your world.” Ask yourself, “Is this really true?” or “What’s the evidence against this thought?” Reframing these distorted thoughts allows you to see yourself and your situation in a more balanced, compassionate way.
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