Finally, we’re down to number nine: rediscover your identity. Who are you when no one else is defining you? When you’ve been through narcissistic abuse, it’s easy to lose track of who you truly are. Narcissists are experts at manipulating others to make them feel small. Over time, this can cause you to forget your likes, dislikes, and values. Rediscovering your identity is a vital step in healing. It’s about taking back the power to define yourself on your terms, not through the lens of someone else’s control. The process of rediscovery isn’t always easy, but it’s necessary. It’s about asking yourself, “What do I love to do? What brings me peace?” Over time, as you explore these questions, you’ll regain a sense of your own identity and independence. Author and psychologist Dr. Marcia Linehan, who developed dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), explains that identity is not something you have; it’s something you create. By consciously engaging with your true self, you can rebuild the confidence and strength that narcissistic abuse tried to take away. Remember, this process is about being patient and allowing your authentic self to emerge again, free from manipulation and false narratives.
Healing from narcissistic abuse is a journey, not a race. Some days will be easier than others, and that’s okay. What matters is that you keep moving forward, even if it’s just one small step at a time. You’ve already taken the most important step: deciding that you deserve better—and you do. You deserve peace, happiness, and a life where you are in control. So be patient with yourself, celebrate your progress, and never forget how strong you truly are. You’re not just surviving; you’re reclaiming your life, and that’s something to be proud of. Keep going; you’ve got this!
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