One of the most dangerous outcomes of falling into this trap is that you may start doubting yourself, thinking, “Maybe I am too sensitive,” or “Maybe I don’t know how to respond correctly.” This is self-gaslighting—internalizing their criticism and beginning to question your own feelings and reactions. It’s a painful place to be because it often leads to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and isolation.
Recognizing the Trap and How to Avoid It
So, what can you do? First, recognize the setup. If someone makes a biased statement about you, don’t take the bait. Instead, step back mentally and see the comment for what it is—a setup. Remember, they’re trying to draw you into a reactive space where they can label your response as “proof” of their judgment. Instead, give a neutral, calm response like, “We can agree to disagree,” or, “I don’t think that’s accurate.” By keeping your response level, you refuse to feed into their narrative.
When Non-Engagement Is Your Best Defense
For manipulators, the ultimate frustration is a well-regulated person who refuses to engage. Non-engagement is the best way to shut down someone who thrives on creating conflict. And while they may accuse you of being passive or “walking away,” remember that their opinion doesn’t define your reality. By choosing not to engage, you’re rejecting their need to dominate and control the narrative.
Breaking Free from the Cycle of Doubt
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