Don’t blame yourself
Now that you can clearly see your ex for the narcissist they were and recognize how unhealthy those patterns you participated in for all that time were, you probably feel ashamed that you let the wool be pulled over your eyes for so long. You may wonder how could you be so “naive,” “stupid,” or “gullible.” You may especially feel ashamed when you are with family or friends who were tuned in long before you were.
Give yourself a pass. Narcissists are experts at seduction, and you’re only human. Perhaps you have some codependency and self-esteem issues you’ll need to examine when you’re in a better place, but for now, just forgive yourself.
Know that your innocence is a good thing. It means you have an open and trusting heart—something your narcissist struggles with.
A Narcissist Always Returns (The Hoovering)
Focus on self-love
Since one of the narcissist’s strategies is to put others down to elevate themselves, it’s unlikely you ever heard any compliments, support, or appreciation once the seduction phase wore off. You may have suffered verbal abuse as well.
Narcissists want you to stay insecure, so feeling sure of yourself is foreign territory for you right now. You may have also lost trust in your own judgment as a result of being gaslighted for so long.
Where to begin healing from all this? There are therapists, self-help programs, and groups that can help you focus on self-love, which is what you need to practice in order to restore your self-esteem post-breakup. Try to find a regular meetup with a group of people working on the same type of personal growth you’re interested in.
7 Ways To Get A Narcissist To Respect You
Prioritize your pleasure
Research shows that many dysfunctional relationships rely on sex because intimacy and emotional fulfillment aren’t available. Narcissists especially like to use sex as a power tool because they are junkies for desire; they need to be wanted.
The way they maintain your desire is by doling out sexual “affection” according to their own power-driven agenda. So if your relationship was hot, you’re still going to want them sexually. It’s just a fact.
How to cope? Pick out a good vibrator. That piece of plastic isn’t any more devoid of human love, empathy, or compassion than your emotional vampire of an ex was.
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