This is the monologue. This is how they berate you. This is how they make you feel like you are a burden to them. They cry about that one day off, but what about the other seven days? You are unpaid for all your labor, all the services, all the work that you put in. But no, that’s not enough. “Oh come on, you’re free all the time. It’s not that big of a deal. You are a housewife; you don’t have any responsibilities. I have responsibilities. I have to go out and earn.” This is how they degrade you. This is how they minimize all your hard work. This is how they compartmentalize and put themselves on a pedestal. And that’s why I said they do not want to be a husband because being a husband does not only mean having children with a woman or being married to her. Being a husband, in my opinion, means taking responsibility—equal responsibility—for running the family and being the provider.
What does it mean to be a husband? In a real sense, to a narcissistic man, being a provider means being a controller: “Oh, I am going to decide when you go out, when you do this, and who you meet,” and all that. They redefine it in a way that works only for them. “I am the provider,” which means “I’m going to decide where the money is going to come from, how much you are going to spend on yourself, what school the children are going to go to, and what you are going to do for yourself.” That is not what it means to be a provider. It’s all about money for them. Being a provider also means being emotionally available, nurturing your partner, providing mental peace and stability, and providing the help they need and crave. It’s about providing time for them so they can take care of themselves. Just saying, “Okay, today I’m going to take care of this mess. I know you are in this all day, every minute. Leave it to me now. I am your savior. I’m your rescuer. I should do it, so I will. Don’t worry.” That is what it means to be a provider. But you and I both know narcissists are not interested in that. They only want to reap the benefits. So that’s why he does not want to be a husband. He only wants to use you physically like a toy. He wants to use you for supply, for attention, for validation. And it’s not only positive; it’s about draining you, leaving you like a shell, turning you into a shell of your former self. They’re only interested in taking, not giving. There is no reciprocity. So what husband are you talking about?
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