Being a father means being attuned to the children’s needs, nurturing them properly, not giving them trauma, not being authoritative, not controlling their life, not terrorizing them, not burdening them with guilt, not telling them 24/7, “I did it for you. I sacrificed my life for your sake. I have to face those hardships because of you. I can’t get that car because I have to pay your college fees.” That is moral burdening, and it leaves them with a guilty conscience. They feel like even breathing air is a crime, like they’re not supposed to do it because it’s harming somebody. That’s how they develop a people-pleasing ego. They want to then accommodate everybody when they grow up except themselves. They just turn themselves into a small being, a smaller version of themselves, because they feel like they won’t fit—all because of this narcissistic person. So tell me, how do they want to be a father when they do everything opposite to what a father is supposed to do? Of course, they want to, as I said, reap all the benefits that being a father gives them. In certain cultures, being a father is similar to being a god, or at least that’s how these narcissistic parents think: “I’m your father. I brought you here, so I am going to decide what happens with your education, who you get married to, what you are going to do for your living, what career you are going to pursue,” and so on. They don’t let go. Never. They don’t. They even control the grandchildren. That is what being a father means to them. But that’s not fatherhood. That’s how a tyrant treats you. That’s how a dictator treats you. That’s how somebody who thinks they own you treats you. Somebody who sees you as their extension, that’s how they treat you. They’re callous, they’re cruel, they’re cold, they’re absent, they’re unloving. How any of that has to do with being a father, I don’t think so.
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