If you want to outsmart a narcissist, you need to stop believing they are invincible and start thinking like a secret agent. Fighting a narcissist with just emotions only fuels their power, but fighting them with strategy leaves them confused and totally powerless. The more emotional you become, the stronger their grip. Imagine what would happen if you stopped reacting. Imagine if you simply observed them quietly and carefully gathered information like a spy would. That is exactly the mindset you need to have; that’s how you win.
Every major nation has a secret intelligence service. These agencies exist to prevent conflict, not to start it. Their strength is not in weapons, but in silence and secrecy. Their best victories are the ones nobody ever knows about. Approaching a narcissist requires the same quiet, strategic approach. Do not announce your moves; do not react emotionally. Instead, gather information, make your plan, and move silently until the narcissist suddenly realizes the game is already over and you have won.
Step 1: Gather Intelligence
Let me break it down clearly. First, gather intelligence. Before a CIA agent enters dangerous territory, they learn everything they can, not only about the location but about the people involved. You need to do the same. Study the narcissist just as they studied you. They already know your weaknesses and triggers; now it is your turn. Before you go to court, notice their patterns. What makes them angry or insecure? When do they switch from cruelty to charm? Who do they secretly envy or compare themselves to? Which lies do they repeat? When do they use gaslighting? This isn’t about anger or resentment; it’s about gaining clear insight. Become the observer, quietly noting their behaviors without reacting or confronting them. Once you have gathered this information, use it to predict their moves and protect yourself emotionally. Keep this information private and only share it with trusted allies who can support your escape, like your lawyer or therapist. Understanding these tactics will help you stay calm and focused, even when the narcissist tries to provoke you.
Step 2: Become Invisible
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