If not immediately, but slowly and surely, they realize what your worth was. It’s not that they realize they have done something terribly wrong and that they need to work on their traits, and they need to work on themselves, and they need to seek forgiveness, and they need to apologize, or that they feel any form of remorse. No, no, no, that does not happen. I don’t want to give you false hope. What happens is that they break easily, and they recognize your function, that yes, this played a huge role in my life. But by this, I do not mean that they recognize the value of this person who was in their life. No, it’s more like the value of this object, more specifically the value of all the functions it performed in their life. They start comparing every new supply with you, and then it’s always inferior; it’s always missing something in comparison. They’re never ever able to find a replacement because nobody, nobody is willing to sacrifice for them as much as you did, which is not to say you were a fool. I would say you loved wholeheartedly; you did what you had to do, and you tried to take care of them.
They miss not you but who you were to them, how you loved them, they miss your sympathy, your empathy, the chances that you gave them, they miss how you fell for them, or should I say, how they gaslight you into believing that they are right, you’re wrong. They miss how much you try to make this relationship work, they miss all the things that you did for them. But what they do not miss is you as a person. And do you know why? Because they never saw you. It may be painful for you to hear, but a narcissist does not know the real version of you. What they know is the idealized snapshot they created in the beginning. Eventually, that idealized snapshot did not match your reality. So what did they do? Again, they gaslight themselves into believing you’re not as perfect as they had thought you are. They create a devalued version of you in their head; they put you down, you’re filled with flaws, they criticize you, all the insecurities they themselves have and do not want to acknowledge are projected on you.
So, they see this high, high, and then low, low. In between that, you are the real personality they never get to know. So what will the narcissist miss? The narcissist does not miss you the way you miss them. As I gave you the example of a tempered glass, it was just to say that they miss you as the object that performed the function. Once you leave them and they know they can’t get you back, that is when they start feeling vulnerable because they are trying to get a hold of other supplies, but they are not able to recreate a fantasy version of you. They are not able to get that kind of control over other people since they are really impatient and they are not willing to work on other people the way they try to get control over you. They lose it very quickly, and they move from one person to the other, which is what I meant when I said the screen breaks quite easily because there is no one to take the hit.
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