The second wave is shock. “What happened to me? Who has he become? What did I do wrong? What changed in our relationship? Can I fix this?” You try and try, patiently waiting for him to return to his “old self,” but he never does. Instead, he steps aside, ignores you, and leaves you alone with the baby. He never shows up, never takes care of you, and this pattern continues even after pregnancy. He’s never truly involved in the child’s life. Yes, he might show up sporadically like a “Disneyland dad,” spending a few hours here and there, but he won’t engage on a deep, heartfelt level. That’s impossible for him.
This was his plan all along. He had it in his mind from the moment he met you. He selected you as an incubator, waiting patiently for you to “hatch the eggs.” As harsh as it sounds, how can it be your fault? How can you blame yourself for a crime you didn’t commit?
I know you’re a responsible mother. I know you love your children and want to do anything to protect them. But shaming and blaming yourself won’t help—it will only harm your relationship with your child and negatively impact their emotional development.
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