Let me be clear: you can unintentionally create a narcissist. That may sound shocking, but here’s how it happens. If the narcissistic parent neglects, abandons, or abuses the child emotionally, physically, or psychologically, and you overcompensate by being overly indulgent, you may feed their sense of entitlement and impulsivity. This can foster a false narcissistic self in your child. They’ll learn to suppress their shame, which comes from the other parent, and may form an inauthentic connection with you, driven by instant gratification.
You must be mindful not to create a false self in your child by overindulging them. You can still be a loving, nurturing parent while helping them recognize and manage their emotions, disciplining them in a trauma-informed way, and building a strong, authentic connection. Help them process their feelings by listening, validating their pain, and empowering them with healthier ways to cope with their other parent.
For example, if your child comes to you saying, “I feel ashamed because Daddy said this,” you can gently guide them. First, listen. Then, validate their feelings. Finally, help them come up with solutions to preserve their sense of self.
Remember, it’s not your fault that your child’s father turned out to be a narcissist. In the beginning, you knew him as a sweet, charming, and amazing person who made you believe in a future together—a future where you could have a family and live a happy life. He fed you that dream. You didn’t ask for this. You didn’t create it. He wasn’t a monster from the start—you were simply trying to save yourself, and by the time you realized the truth, he had already trapped you with a child.
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