When a narcissist dictates every part of your life, even basic self-care starts to feel like it’s not yours to manage. Dr. Lindsey C. Gibson, author of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, explains that long-term emotional abuse can make victims feel like they have no right to personal boundaries. You start to internalize the idea that your needs aren’t important unless they serve the narcissist’s expectations. Over time, this conditioning leaves you disconnected from your self-care.
Maybe you were criticized for how you dressed, mocked for taking too long to get ready, or even shamed for wasting time on hygiene. Eventually, you stop trying because it doesn’t feel like your choice anymore; it feels like another battle you don’t have the energy to fight. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist specializing in narcissistic abuse, warns that when your boundaries have been violated for so long, you might not even recognize where they should be. Reclaiming control means caring for yourself because it’s your right, not for anyone’s approval.
10. Hygiene as a Luxury
You can’t pour from an empty cup, but narcissists will still expect you to try. When you’re trapped in a cycle of narcissistic abuse, your needs always take a backseat. You spend so much time catering to their demands, moods, and expectations that self-care starts to feel like a selfish luxury. Maybe you skip showers because you’re too busy fixing their problems, or maybe you stop buying things for yourself because they make you feel guilty for wasting money. Over time, you internalize the idea that your well-being doesn’t matter.
The more you neglect yourself, the easier it is for them to control you. When you’re running on empty, you don’t have the strength to set boundaries or demand better treatment. But self-care isn’t indulgence; it’s survival. Taking care of yourself is a quiet act of rebellion against their control. It’s proof that you still exist outside of them, and that’s something they never wanted you to realize.
Breaking free from the cycle of narcissistic abuse isn’t easy, and neither is rebuilding the simple habits that once felt effortless, like taking care of yourself. But here’s the thing: you deserve to feel good, to feel clean, and to feel like you again. It’s not about forcing yourself to snap out of it overnight; it’s about taking small steps, even when they feel pointless at first. If you’ve been struggling, be kind to yourself. Healing takes time, but every step you take is a step toward reclaiming your well-being.
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