2. You struggle to make simple decisions.
When you’ve spent years walking on eggshells, even the simplest decisions can feel like a trap. You were conditioned to believe that no matter what you chose, it would be wrong—too boring, too weird, too much, or not enough. Narcissistic abuse plants this fear deep inside you, making even minor choices feel like high-stakes tests. Dr. Carol McBride, author of Will I Ever Be Good Enough, explains that children of narcissistic parents learn to doubt their own judgment because they are constantly criticized or overruled. That doubt doesn’t just fade with time; it follows you into adulthood, making you hesitate over everything from what to wear to what to order at a restaurant. And it doesn’t stop at small choices; this uncertainty seeps into major life decisions, causing you to second-guess yourself in relationships, jobs, and personal goals. But here’s the truth: there is no perfect decision, only the one you choose and make work. The more you practice, the more you’ll realize you never needed anyone else’s approval in the first place.
3. You apologize excessively.
If you’ve been through narcissistic abuse, you might not even realize how often you say sorry. It’s like a reflex, a survival tactic drilled into you over time. Narcissists make you feel like everything is your fault—your emotions, their bad moods, the weather, world hunger; you name it. Over time, you start apologizing for things that aren’t even in your control: bumping into someone, asking a question, or simply taking up space. But here’s the truth: apologizing excessively isn’t a sign of politeness; it’s a symptom of conditioning. You say sorry preemptively, hoping to prevent an outburst. Psychologist Dr. Romani Durvasula calls this fawning behavior, where victims of narcissistic abuse become hyper-aware of others’ reactions and try to keep the peace at their own expense. The key to breaking free is to ask yourself: did I actually do something wrong, or am I just afraid of upsetting someone? Because here’s the thing: you don’t owe the world an apology for existing.
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