4. You downplay your achievements.
Narcissistic abuse victims often struggle to accept compliments, brushing them off with a nervous laugh or quickly pointing out their flaws. This isn’t just humility; it’s conditioning. At some point, they were taught that their success wasn’t worth celebrating, or worse, that it put them in danger. Narcissists thrive on control and superiority and can’t stand being outshined. They subtly discourage their victims from embracing their victories—whether through backhanded comments, guilt-tripping, or outright dismissiveness. They make it clear that any moment of confidence is a threat to their dominance. Over time, victims learn to downplay their achievements, making themselves smaller before anyone else can. But here’s the truth: celebrating your success isn’t arrogance; it’s self-respect. You don’t have to apologize for being good at something, and you certainly don’t have to shrink just to make someone else feel bigger. As author Marianne Williamson once said, “Your playing small does not serve the world.” True supporters won’t feel threatened by your accomplishments; they’ll celebrate with you. So the next time you achieve something, no matter how big or small, resist the urge to minimize it. Accept the compliment and own your success, because the right people won’t make you feel guilty for shining; they’ll encourage you to shine even brighter.
5. You’re always on high alert.
If you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop, maybe it’s because someone kept throwing it at you. Living through narcissistic abuse rewires your brain to expect danger, even in moments of peace. You become hyper-aware of shifts in tone, body language, and even the slightest change in someone’s mood. In the past, missing these signs could mean walking straight into conflict. This survival instinct served a purpose when you were trapped in chaos, but now it lingers like an unshakable shadow, even when you’re in a safe environment. Your body refuses to believe it; your heart races at sudden noises, and you second-guess people’s words, no matter how good things seem. A part of you braces for impact because experience has taught you that peace never lasts. But here’s the truth: you don’t have to live on edge forever. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score, explains that trauma leaves the body in a constant state of hyper-vigilance, making it difficult to feel at ease even when danger is gone. That’s why relaxation feels unnatural; your nervous system is still stuck in survival mode. You’re convinced that letting your guard down is a risk you can’t afford. But healing isn’t about pretending the past didn’t happen; it’s about teaching your body that safety is possible again. Little by little, you can retrain your mind to recognize when you’re safe. You deserve to experience life without constantly looking over your shoulder.
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