Are you still up for number six? Panic when put on the spot. Being asked to speak in front of a group can trigger the same intense fear as being put on trial for narcissistic abuse victims. It’s not that you don’t know your stuff or aren’t prepared; years of shame and fear trained your brain to see any attention as a possible disaster. According to psychologist Rachel Yehuda, this kind of heightened response is rooted in the brain’s fight-or-flight system, which gets stuck in overdrive after prolonged stress or abuse. What might seem like a simple request to speak up can feel like an overwhelming threat because you’ve been trained to expect negative consequences from being vulnerable. The good news is that this is your brain protecting you, but it can be retrained to feel safer with vulnerability, one step at a time.
Let’s keep it moving to number seven: Overidentifying with the fixer role. Do you often find yourself jumping in to smooth over conflicts or take on problems that aren’t even yours to solve? The thing is, in past relationships, especially with narcissists, your value often came from keeping the peace and managing chaos. As Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist and expert on narcissism, explains in her book Should I Stay or Should I Go?, people who have been victims of narcissistic abuse often develop a deep need to be the mediator because that’s how they were made to feel important or valued. It’s a learned survival skill, but it can leave you burned out and stretched thin. You’re not just fixing problems; you’re trying to maintain control in an unpredictable environment. But here’s the hard truth: You don’t have to fix everything. Your worth isn’t about being everyone’s peacekeeper. It’s okay to step back and let others handle their own issues.
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