They do not want a baby to build a family; they want a baby to build a cage. Pregnancy becomes a leash, a distraction, a tool for biological control. When you are pregnant, your body is exhausted, your emotions are raw, your mind is foggy, and your world revolves around survival. That is when they tighten their grip. They might even sabotage birth control or lie about their own fertility. Some narcissists go as far as trying to time ovulation, hoping for an accident. Can you believe that?
Once you are pregnant, game over. They abandon you when it has nothing to do with you. You carry the burden physically, financially, and emotionally while they play the victim or the hero, as usual, in public. After the birth, it only gets worse. You know the story: they criticize your body, shame your postpartum emotions—what we call postpartum depression—and refuse to help with the baby, mocking you for needing support. The story goes on and on.
The worst of it all is they weaponize the child during co-parenting or when you divorce them. They know your love for your child is deep and unshakable, so they use it as leverage. They say, “You will damage our child if you leave. Who is going to take care of them if you are this unstable? No court will give you custody because you are a mess.” They turn motherhood into a minefield. They do not co-parent; they counter-parent. In my opinion, parallel parenting is inapplicable to this dynamic because they are not parenting at all; you are not parallel parenting; you are separately parenting.
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