On the surface, it may look like the narcissist has forgotten you. They walk around as if nothing ever happened, don’t they? They pretend to be unaffected. They smile, they flirt, and they go on with life as if you never even mattered. Some of them jump into new relationships, and you will see them plastering their happiness everywhere, especially where you might notice. They act like you were just another name in a long list of experiences. If someone brings you up, they will shrug and say, “Yeah, it didn’t work out,” or “It was just too much drama.” Or they will say nothing at all, as if silence will erase the entire history between you and them.
But the truth is, their silence is not peace. Their new relationship is not joy. Their shrug is not healing. The truth is they think about you more than they will ever admit—more than they want to admit. And when they think of you, they do not just remember you; they relive you. You are a wound they pretend does not hurt, but deep down, you never stopped bleeding.
When your name is brought up to a narcissist—let’s say by a mutual friend, a family member, or even in a random conversation—it’s like striking a nerve. They may not show it on their face, but something inside them changes instantly. They go rigid; their tone changes, and their eyes flicker. You were not supposed to be remembered; you were supposed to disappear. But the moment you are brought up, something wakes up inside them—something they have been trying to bury. In that moment, they feel seen, exposed, and completely cornered because they know what they did. Even if they have painted themselves as the victim in the story they tell others, they are aware, on some twisted, buried level, that they were the villain in yours.
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