So begins the process of suppression. The narcissist does not want to deal with the discomfort of accountability. They do not want to face the reality that they caused so much harm. So what do they do? They immediately try to suppress the memory. They distract themselves; they talk over it. They pretend like it did not happen, or worse, they will start rationalizing it in their head, minimizing it to the point of absurdity.
“It wasn’t that bad. She overreacted. He was too sensitive. It’s not like I killed someone.” And if someone confronts them directly—if someone says, “But didn’t you cheat on them? Didn’t you cheat on your partner?” or “Wasn’t he really good to you?”—that is when they scramble. That is when they start twisting reality in real time. Their excuses come fast: “It wasn’t like I cheated on her with three people at once; it was just a fling. People do that; it’s not that serious,” or “She made a big deal out of everything. Always emotional, always blowing things out of proportion.”
These excuses do not come from logic; they come from panic, which you may not be able to see. From a desperate need to keep their image intact. And if they are with someone who isn’t buying the lie, they simply switch tactics. They act aloof, saying, “Oh, it didn’t work out,” or “We were not compatible.” But inside, a fire has started. Their mind is spiraling. The flashbacks return: the conversations, the look in your eyes when you cried, the things they said, the things they didn’t say, the silent treatment, the stonewalling, the gaslighting, the manipulation—the day you finally walked away. It all comes flooding back like a nightmare they cannot wake up from.
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