Just like when discussing the family disease of alcoholism in the realm of destructive narcissism, it’s important to understand that A) you did not cause it, B) you cannot control it, and C) you certainly cannot cure it. If they can’t gaslight you into some form of submission, compliance, or feelings of inferiority, if they can’t succeed in controlling, manipulating, or dominating you, if you aren’t completely enamored with their false persona, phony kindness, and manipulative charm, then, given the limited tools they have to work with in their emotional and psychological toolbox, in their mind, they’ll be left with no other choice than to target you.
And narcissists, being the sneaky little cowards that they are, they’ll probably do this behind your back as they work to manipulate and control how other people see you. When a narcissist can’t control you, again, they feel threatened by you. And when they feel threatened by you, they’ll have to deal with that threat to their false persona in the only way they know how, and usually, that’ll mean working to control how others see and perceive you, how others feel about you. They’ll literally go out of their way to sabotage your reputation and relationships with others, saying whatever it takes to make you look and sound as bad as possible. And the reality is this can be going on long before you ever even realize there’s a problem. Why? Because, like I’ve said, narcissists are fake, they’re phony, and they are liars. They lie outright and they lie by omission, and they do so with tremendous ease and zero remorse.
So they have no problem showing up and pretending that all is well. For example, enjoying your hospitality and eating the food at your dining room table while simultaneously smearing you to smithereens the moment your back is turned. Nice people. The bottom line is narcissists need to be in a position of perceived superiority, dominance, and control. And although attractive and compelling in the early stages of the relationship dynamic, your strength and personal power are going to be very problematic with anyone who lands on the spectrum of destructive narcissism. It’s just a question of time. You’ll be seen as too difficult or too hard to handle, which is the same thing as saying too tough to control, manipulate, or dominate.
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