The next unicorn of narcissistic reactions is that ever-brief moment of self-reflection. I know it sounds absurd, but it is possible, sometimes happening, especially if you’re dealing with a covert narcissist. The covert narcissist is much more prone to bouts of depression than their grandiose counterparts. In those low moments when their defenses are down, they may face glimpses of the truth. But no sooner than those glimpses come in, they move full speed ahead with their defense mechanisms. They may become even more manipulative or controlling, or expedite a relationship with someone new to prove to everyone, even themselves, that their royal image remains intact.
Now, here we are, hopefully living our best lives without the narcissist. For some of you, it will be over, and for others, unfortunately, in an attempt to cling to that false persona, to claim their seat at the throne, a narcissist sometimes escalates things to a full-on, ugly smear campaign. But please understand, this is just proof that you’ve hurt the narcissist by walking away and taking away that supply. If it weren’t so damaging and infuriating, it would almost be flattering that they go to such great lengths. A narcissist very much will cut off their nose despite their face, meaning they’ll hurt themselves if it means hurting you too. So, here you might expect baseless rumors spread about your past, false claims that you’ve mistreated them, lies spread to family, friends, employers—really, anyone who will listen. Nothing is off-limits here, and they’ll go to these great lengths because the more at peace and happy you seem, the more desperately they’re going to strive to sabotage and regain that influence.
Remember, all of these lies tend to crumble when brought into the light. Embrace the truth; it will always win out eventually. When things escalate to a smear campaign, the worst part isn’t what the narcissist says about you—it’s about who believes their story and who adopts that story as their own to tell other people. These people are what we call flying monkeys for the narcissist because they go out and do their bidding willingly. It can be really painful to see who those people are. Here’s a comment from someone who understands this well: “Realizing you are surrounded by family and people who do not have your best interest at heart and may be actively trying to undermine you is a big wakeup call. It seems like a bitter pill, but it’s actually a blessing in disguise.
How A Narcissist Devalues You In A Relationship
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