The second scenario, the relationship between the wasp and the target insect: The narcissist has recognized you have a lot of money or that you have a business you’re working on, but it will take some time for them to steal it away from you. They cannot do it right away; first, they lay eggs. I’m sorry I have to compare it with this crude example, but they lay eggs in your situation, that means they have children with you, and you’re tied to them. Now you cannot easily leave, and then they start guilt-tripping you. They are all in, only to pull back and say, “If you want this relationship to continue, if you want to stay in your children’s life, then you have to do X, Y, and Z,” which more often than not includes giving them money, putting assets in their name, destroying your business, destroying yourself, cutting off ties with their family and friends, leaving everybody, leaving probably your own country, everything behind, and becoming their total slave. That is how they take over. And the problem is, those who mean or matter the most to you are controlled at this point by this wasp, by this narcissist, and they know that they can use that relationship with your children that is so valuable to you to harm you, to control you, to force you to do things you would not do otherwise.
So this type of narcissist stays only to take over fully one day. But it’s not like they do it all at once. Now, it’s like they spend years making their way in, making sure that they set you up for failure and they leave you no option at the end except giving up and giving in.
The third example that I gave you, the narcissist who stays in the marriage for their image: well, you understand it, why. But I need to give you some personal examples. Both of my parents are narcissists. If you do not know already, my father is a malignant narcissist; my mother is a covert vulnerable victim type of a narcissist. They hate each other; you can imagine the dynamics. But they do not leave each other. Why? Because they are each other’s supply, of course. Primarily, it is the image that matters. What will people say? How will they be perceived? Because they want a picture-perfect family, that is how they want to project it. So they don’t talk about it; they don’t bring in other people; they don’t take it out. It’s about their respect in society that they are afraid of losing.
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