Hyper-empathy toward others. Do you ever care so much about others that you forget you exist too? This hyper-empathy isn’t just kindness; it’s survival mode. You were trained to read moods, fix problems, and anticipate emotional storms before they hit. According to therapist Beverly Engel in her book The Nice Girl Syndrome, victims of emotional abuse often become people pleasers to stay safe, constantly putting others first to avoid conflict or punishment. That’s why saying no or setting a boundary feels wrong, even when you’re being totally fair. It’s not that you’re weak; it’s that you were taught your needs don’t matter. But they do. The hardest part is that your brain still confuses discomfort with danger. Healing means learning that someone else’s disappointment is not your emergency.
They confuse peacekeeping with people-pleasing. Are you really keeping the peace, or just keeping yourself small? Living with a narcissist can train your brain to confuse avoiding conflict with keeping the peace. So, even in friendships, you might say yes when you mean no or avoid tough conversations just to dodge potential tension. As Dr. Ramani Durvasula, clinical psychologist and author of Should I Stay or Should I Go, puts it, survivors of narcissistic abuse often confuse safety with silence. You start thinking that agreeing, appeasing, or overextending yourself is kindness. However, in reality, it’s just the survival reflex you had to develop back then, still running on autopilot. The problem is that peacekeeping at the cost of your own well-being isn’t peace; it’s self-abandonment with a polite smile.
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