I’ll open this article with a question: why don’t narcissistic people like sick people? Let’s break that down. This can be really devastating, especially if you’re close to them and they don’t like sick people, and you’re the one who’s sick. This article grew out of a more painful topic: people who have been in long-term narcissistic relationships, especially with narcissistic partners, and have gotten accustomed to the invalidation, abuse, and gaslighting. But there was always that outside hope, that idea that, “Okay, this person in my life is an in day-to-day life, but when the pressure is on, if there’s a real thing happening, for example, if I were to get sick, I truly believe that their heart would finally come out. They would finally see how much they do love me, or not even all that, they just might simply start acting like a human being and do the right thing – check in on me, let me sleep late when I need to, bring me soup, take me to the doctor, and pick me up after appointments where I’m required to have someone else pick me up.” They’ll do those things; those are just human things. People really believe it. The devastation comes when that doesn’t come true, and it often doesn’t.
I’ll talk about the one exception to this in a moment because sometimes, and more than sometimes, more often than I’d like, people will stick it out in a narcissistic relationship, particularly an intimate relationship, because they start to believe that they’re too old to meet someone new. Even though they know this relationship is not good for them, it’s not healthy, at least they’ll have a companion if they stick it out – a pair of watchful eyes. The problem is it’s a bad bet, and it’s a dangerous one because you may think, and frankly, even other people may think, like, “Oh, she has a husband, or she has kids, they’ll help her out, or this person lives close to family, the family will help them out.” And they don’t make allowances for the fact that the people in your life are narcissistic, and as a result, may not help you. And then other people may not help you, thinking that you have all these people around you to help you. It really gets to be tricky.
Now, this also matters if you have narcissistic family members who may not offer help when you are ill or managing health issues. When you are sick, narcissistic people may react with minimization like, “Oh, it can’t be that bad, don’t be so dramatic.” Or they react with inconvenience like, “What now? Do we have to cancel our vacation for this? I’m really busy; midday chemo appointments and picking you up is not going to work for me.” Or, “Oh my gosh, you kidding me? You have to go to the hospital. Who’s supposed to deal with the kids?” Or you’ll be hit with their victimhood and egocentricity like, “H, I always have to give up stuff for your sickness. You know, I’ve had to deal with some big health stuff in my life too.” Or they gaslight you and say things like, “You know, this may be in your head; we should get a second opinion before I need to turn my life around.”
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