8. They Don’t Like When You’re Independent
In her book Will I Ever Be Free of You, Dr. Carol McBride explains that narcissists need to feel needed. It’s how they control the narrative and keep their ego fed. So, when you land that dream job, move to a new city, or simply start thinking for yourself, they don’t see it as growth but as abandonment. Their coldness isn’t random; it’s a guilt trip in disguise. It’s like emotional blackmail: “If you really cared about me, you wouldn’t need to grow without me.” But the truth is, your independence isn’t a betrayal; it’s a boundary. Narcissists just don’t like when you stop needing their permission to shine. They’ll try to make you feel selfish for seeking your own happiness because it challenges their need for control. In reality, their manipulation thrives on your dependence, so any sign of you standing on your own feels like a personal attack. But don’t fall for it; your growth is your right, not a rejection of them.
9. They Want to Confuse You
Dr. Ramani Durvasula explains in her book Should I Stay or Should I Go that narcissists often use inconsistency as a control tactic. One moment they’re warm and proud; the next, they’re emotionally detached, and your brain scrambles to fix it. That confusion isn’t just uncomfortable; it’s strategic. When you’re stuck analyzing their mood, you’re less likely to stand tall in your moment. Instead of soaking in your joy, you start tiptoeing around their silence. Just like that, they’ve hijacked your spotlight without saying a word. Their sudden coldness makes you question yourself, pulling your focus away from what should be your time to shine. It creates a power dynamic where their unpredictability becomes the center of attention. Before you know it, you’re walking on eggshells, letting them control your every move.
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