Nobody adjusts to having their reality denied, being criticized constantly, facing contempt, or being betrayed. We slowly fade, lose ourselves, and become hollowed out. A single instance of invalidation doesn’t qualify as trauma, but years of it do. For a long time, people assumed that if someone didn’t leave their abuser or didn’t speak up, they were somehow consenting to the abuse. But trauma doesn’t work like that—it stays in our bodies, often without us fully realizing it.
When people finally speak about their trauma, they’re often doubted. This is especially true for survivors of childhood abuse, adolescent trauma, or assault by someone they knew, such as a partner. Even workplace emotional abuse can be dismissed because it doesn’t meet formal definitions of abuse. Survivors might start to believe that since they’ve been managing the situation for years, maybe it’s not that bad. This leads to self-doubt and invalidation—thinking, “Maybe I’m making too big a deal of this.”
But don’t say it’s not that bad—it is. Even if you can’t leave right now, recognize that the abuse takes a toll. The mindset of “I’m used to it, it doesn’t affect me” is dangerous. The effects accumulate—on your physical and mental health, your sense of self, your trust in others, and how you view life.
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