Let’s talk about number two: symmetry obsession. Does a slightly crooked picture frame make you uneasy? When you’ve lived in a world where conflict could explode at any moment, you learn to find stability wherever you can. For many survivors, that means keeping their surroundings perfectly organized, symmetrical, and in order. Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score, explains that trauma survivors often create structure in their environment to compensate for the unpredictability they endured. If your past was full of emotional outbursts and shifting rules, lining things up just right might feel like a way to restore balance. In your experience, disorder didn’t just mean a messy room; it meant danger. So, your symmetry obsession isn’t just about tidiness; it’s about reclaiming a sense of control in a world that once felt completely unpredictable. Honestly, if straightening a few books or aligning your furniture helps you breathe a little easier, there’s no harm in that.
Let’s move on to number three: hiding valuables in random places. When you’ve lived under someone who controls your every move, especially your finances, you learn to protect what little independence you have. That means stashing money in old books, hiding passports in cereal boxes, or tucking important documents under couch cushions. Shannon Thomas, author of Healing from Hidden Abuse, explains that financial control is one of the most common tactics abusers use to keep victims trapped. So, hiding valuables isn’t paranoia; it’s survival. If you’ve ever had to justify every dollar spent or feared your essentials would be taken away, creating secret stashes becomes second nature. But here’s the thing: you might still do it even when you’re free. Trauma wires your brain to prepare for worst-case scenarios, even when the danger is gone. A little preparedness never hurts—just maybe write down where you hid everything.
Now, let’s continue to number four: stockpiling duplicates. For narcissistic abuse victims, stockpiling duplicates isn’t about being forgetful; it’s about feeling safe. When you’ve lived with someone who used control as a weapon, even everyday objects could be taken away to make you feel powerless. Maybe they misplaced your keys when you needed to leave, hid your phone charger to cut you off from support, or threw out your personal items just to remind you who was in control. Christine Cocciola, a coercive control expert, explains that abusers often manipulate access to resources as a way to instill fear and dependence. So, keeping backups of everything from toothbrushes to important documents isn’t just about convenience; it’s a quiet act of reclaiming control over your own life. If your closet looks like a mini convenience store, don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s not about the clutter; it’s about security.
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