You shouldn’t miss number five: organizing by emotional safety, not practicality. Instead of storing things where they’re most practical, you keep them where they feel safe. Maybe your favorite mug stays in your bedroom because the kitchen was once a battlefield of criticism and control. Perhaps your important documents are in a nightstand instead of a filing cabinet because your abuser used to snoop through your paperwork. The Bryant, a psychologist and trauma expert, explains that survivors of abuse often develop safety-driven habits to reclaim a sense of control over their environment. So, while someone else might think you’re being forgetful or disorganized, you’re actually creating a space where you feel at ease. Bruce Perry, a psychiatrist specializing in trauma recovery, explains that our brains prioritize emotional safety over logic, especially after prolonged stress or fear. So, your shoes might be placed by the couch instead of in the closet, or your favorite book is in your car instead of on a shelf. It’s not about being scattered; if it brings you peace, who cares where the mug goes?
Are you still up for number six? Overlabeling everything. Overlabeling is a coping mechanism where individuals become hyper-aware of categorizing their belongings, emotions, or experiences. This behavior stems from the constant manipulation and gaslighting that narcissistic abusers often inflict. When nothing feels secure and your reality is twisted, it’s not surprising that someone might overorganize or excessively label things to create a sense of order. It’s like a way of mentally putting everything into little boxes to make sense of the confusion. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist and expert on narcissism, explains, “Narcissistic abuse creates a fog of confusion where victims struggle to trust their own instincts and perceptions.” Overlabeling can be an attempt to gain some semblance of clarity; it’s a form of emotional self-preservation, building an emotional fortress out of labels and rules. But over time, it can lead to even more stress as they try to keep everything perfectly labeled and categorized, even to the point of obsession. It’s a reminder that while these coping mechanisms serve a purpose, they can also be a sign that the healing process still needs time.
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