What if the very thing that’s supposed to make you feel safe is actually keeping you stuck? That’s the cruel trick narcissistic abuse plays on your brain. Oxytocin, the so-called love hormone, turns against you. Normally, oxytocin helps you bond, trust, and feel connected, but when your deepest bonds have been with someone who manipulated, gaslit, and hurt you, your brain starts to link love with anxiety.
Dr. Patrick K., an expert in trauma bonding, explains that when intermittent reinforcement is combined with intense emotional experiences, the brain confuses love with survival. This is why stable, healthy relationships might seem boring or even wrong to you, while toxic, unpredictable ones feel exciting. Your brain craves the highs and lows because that’s what it learned to expect.
But here’s the truth: love isn’t supposed to feel like a roller coaster. Breaking free means retraining your brain to recognize calm, steady affection as real love, not a trap. At first, the predictability of a healthy relationship might feel uncomfortable, but over time, you’ll realize that love isn’t supposed to hurt; it’s supposed to heal.
Number Four: You Lose Your Sense of Identity
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