How does that benefit them? They weaponize the “manufactured incongruence” against you. What does that mean? They make you act in ways that are not aligned with your moral values, causing you to feel ashamed of yourself. Every time you say or do something you promised you’d never do, you start criticizing yourself, beating yourself up, over-apologizing, and taking responsibility for fixing the issue. That means no responsibility for them—no one holds them accountable, and you remain in a constant state of appeasing the abuser.
Reason 2: Merchants of Chaos and Instability
Narcissists are merchants of chaos and instability. They can’t let you be at peace because they themselves can’t be at peace. Why? Because whenever there is peace in their external environment, the noise inside them—the suppressed emotions like shame, unresolved trauma, and ego conflicts—starts getting louder. They can’t stand that, so they balance their internal chaos by creating chaos outside. They achieve this chaotic supply by poking and prodding you, repeating the same behavioral patterns of avoidance, abandonment, and neglect until you give them a reaction.
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